When life is in the valley
By Chandi Perera
If we are to plot a
chart through our respective lives, it should run like an ECG reading – with
much ups and downs. In some, there could be an even spread, some others – more
ups and yet some others, unfortunately, more of downs.
When we see a person ‘
sailing on top’, as some might say, what we see, is the outcome of a series of
events that probably propelled the person to that kind of visibility, he or she
is in now. Who knows what kind of experiences are beneath the surface of all
that pomp and pageantry? What failures, or set backs or heart rending moments
the person may have travelled through to come and sit atop that mountain?
Speaking with a few experts who have been through the University of Life, we’ve
pinned down a few things that we can practice, when life hurts – along the way
to achieving a goal or rising to the pinnacle that we each have to rise to.
One
– When you are in a valley, take time off: This does not mean sitting pretty
and doing nothing. Take time off to revisit, recount, analyze, think through
the things that made you sit in a valley. Learn the lesson. Leave the regret in
the valley.
Two
– You are not the valley: Good and the bad happen to all, as we all sit under
the same sun that rises in the morning and downs in the evening. The valley is
not your definition, your personality or your value. It is a temporary
situation. Take it as such.
Three – Valley teaches you resilience: A person who perishes in the valley
will never sit atop the mountain. “Being successful and retaining that success
is more energy draining than being in a valley an looking for a way out”, says
a businessman who was not so long ago, was in the red with all the banks he did
business. “ If there’s one thing I learned about the valley , it is that I need
to hang in there – it is up to ME. I can choose to sit and die or get up, dust
myself down and work the way out of the valley”.
Four – Valley sifts out your friends : “The best that happened to me”, says
Peter, “is that most of the crown that I thought were my friends, just dropped
out of sight when I did poorly. In a way, I am so thankful I hit the hard road
or the valley. It showed me who my true friends were. Would you believe it’s
just a handful”. Good for you Peter – that’s all you need. A handful of loyal
good friends.
Five: How you tackle the valley will sharpen your focus to take the mountain:
It’s human to sit and mope. To sit and think of “ aiyo…what happened”. That’s
ok, just for starters. Then, we need to turn our attention on what brought us
to the valley and how we can twist a bad turn into a good one. That needs
reviewing the tools we hitherto used, discarding the ones that are not helpful
and cultivating a few others, that will take us up and out of the valley.
Valley is a good place to take stock of one’s life and move things out, so the
new can come in.
Six: Face the valley : This might sound crazy, really. What else can you do
when you are in a valley but face it? As crazy as it may seem, some just do not
accept the fact that they are in a valley. Mark is not a guy who can hold onto
a job for too long. He’s been with many of the blue chip companies and either
left them or got kicked out – to put it simply. Todate, he has a plethora of
scape goats that he keeps shooting at. Taking accountability for his absence or
being habitually smelling of liquor at work and being so totally drunk every
evening, are never the issues for Mark. Can anyone be blind, as those who
refuse to see? He lives in the valley, crying foul at everyone and everything –
but no, he does not want to even accept he is in a valley and it is getting
darker.
Seven: See what the valley is trying to teach: Life’s many events, happenings,
joys and sadness leave us with the ‘knowing’ that whatever you and I may
encounter, life moves on. If we are sensitive enough to where we are in the
valley, we will diligently “lean into” what the valley is trying to teach us,
at that point in our lives. A valley is not for the babes – it’s for the grown.
If not, the valley will either grow the adult in you, or crush the baby, that
is still you. So do learn, whatever lesson the valley is trying to teach.
Eight: Valley can instill fear or impart courage: What will you choose? The
dark nights in the valley, the howling winds of life, inability to see clearly
ahead, the fear as to whether the valley will be your home – forever, are all
reasonable fears when we are in the valley. What courage dictates is – that the
valley does not last, a valley will always have another peak, there is a path
to that peak, though the light may be dim, the day break is near. Am I talking
in riddles or aren’t these the kind of experiences that we’ve all faced and
moved through and moved ahead?
If and when there is a
valley experience in your future, what will you do?
